// From the late 90s, but classic nevertheless...
Mr. McFaden: *walking through a chattering class, very quietly* Sex.
Class: *keeps talking, does not notice*
Mr. McFaden: *still very quietly* Extra credit.
Class: *perks up* Did you say extra credit? What?
Mr. McFaden: From a biological standpoint, that's just WRONG.

Tags: mcfaden

// Talking about the guy Christine likes
Christine: I don't think he's into girls yet...
Brian: Well duh! He's a syslab guy... of course he doesn't know what a girl is!
// Olex overhears conversation
Olex: HEY! I KNOW WHAT AN INTERGRAL IS!!

Tags: syslab

// During Orchestra trip to Boston
Street performer: Now I'm making... *twists balloon really fast, it kinda looks like a dog but it's hard to tell* ... a complex polycarbon!
TJ kids: WOOHOO, COMPLEX POLYCARBONS!!!
Other people: ?

Tags: tj

// In Physics class...
PA: Teachers, please excuse the following announcement...
Dr. Dell: NO!
PA: Will the following students--
*Dr. Dell rips PA box off wall*

Tags: dell physics

// Vocab lesson with Mr. Blackwell
Mr. Blackwell: Today's word is kerfuffle. Yes, I know this sounds funny, and it sounds even funnier when you say it backwards, however don't try to say it backwards. I tried that once and ended up saying elf fucker instead...

Tags: blackwell english

Brian: I cried when I read this article...
Mr. Richardson: Well I would have cried, but I'm a man.

Tags: richardson

// Upon realizing the lab equipment in AP Bio is leaking
Hannah: Uston, we have a problem.

Tags: biology uston

// During AP Physics lecture
Students: What's that piece of rope dangling from the ceiling?
Dr. Dell: It's a noose.
Students: What's it for?
Dr. Dell: Actually, it's really cool, but I can only show you once.

Tags: dell physics

// Economics class
Mr. Zack: Utility is something you can't put a number on.  For example, I like cheerios more than corn flakes.  You can't attatch a value to it.
John Sherwood: 3.
Mr. Zack: *long stare* This is why I drink.

Tags: economics john_sherwood zack

// In AP Physics, while Raamin and Dr. Dell were arguing about something...
Dr. Dell: I bet mine is longer than yours!
// He starts to unbuckle his belt
Students: !!!!!!!
Dr. Dell: Mine is 44 inches.
// He pulls out his belt and shows everyone

Tags: dell physics

Mr. Torrence: There are two things you should never see being made... can anyone guess what they might be?
*silence*
Winston: ...babies?
Mr. T: Okay, three things.

Tags: torrence

Random guy: Why is Rudolph's nose red?
Dr. Acio: I dunno, he snorts a lot of crack?
Random guy: ...
Dr. Acio: (quietly) Maybe that's why Santa's Sleigh always goes in a zig-zag...

Tags: acio

// Talking about Angelina Jolie being Grendel's mom in the new Beowulf movie
Connor: Well I mean, it's gotta be harder for Beowulf now.  I mean you look at a big ugly monster and your first thought is "stab it!" You look at a soaking wet Angelina Jolie and your first thought is--
Siggi: Still "Stab i-"
Mr. Miller: STOP THERE.

Tags: miller

// There had been midnight vandalism in the neighborhood. The police were interviewing a TJ kid's mom.
Police: Do you have any children?
Mom: Yes, I have two.
Police: And what ages are they?
Mom: Sixteen, and -
Police: *suddenly interested* And what school does he go to?
Mom: Thomas Jefferson.
Police: Oh, never mind.

Tags: tj

Nihaar: Forget MUN and math team and debate. We should start an FLE club. And watch educational videos.

Tags: fle

// In English
Mr. Miller: Do you know why I wear a tie?
Mr. Miller: It's actually to cover the buttons on my shirt so that young women don't fantasize about unbuttoning them.
Mr. Miller: The irony is, look where it's pointing...

Tags: miller

// Discussing electrostatic charges in Physics; Cliff put his hand near a ping-pong ball which was charged and hanging from a ceiling, and when he put his hand near it, the ball swung towards him.
Mr. Bagden: Look at that, it's moving towards you. Can you tell me why?
Cliff: Because it's attracted to me?
Mr. Bagden: And why is that?
Cliff: ...because I'm beautiful?

Tags: bagden physics

// In PE, while rollerskating
Ms. Davis: Hey guys, please, no studying while rollerskating.
...
Only at Jefferson would I have to say that.

Tags: davis pe tj

Student: Mr. Richardson... does the big red "BS" written on my paper mean bullshit?
Mr. R: It means Be Specific.
Student: Oh ok!
Mr. R: Also, it means bullshit.

Tags: richardson

Mrs. Chhabra: And so, you see my friends, this is how you solve the equation.
Tom: We're not your friends, Mrs. Chhabra.

Tags: chemistry chhabra

I just read that last year 4,153,237 people got married.  I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?   

// During TA discussion on compassion
Mr. Torrence:  So, does anybody know what the Golden Rule is?
Jess:  Isn't that like 1.618...?

Tags: ta torrence

// History, simulating Napoleon's trial on whether he was good or bad; Russia is the witness
Prosecution: Okay, Russia. *holds up a map* This is a map of your territory. Now when Napoleon invaded, where did he touch you?

Tags: history

Student: Dr. Glazer--
Dr. Glazer: I lost the game!

Tags: glazer

// In the middle of Spanish, Brendan passes a note to Nolan
Nolan: Sra. Pou, I think you should read this note Brendan passed me...
Brendan: No! I didn't write that!
Sra. Pou: (reading note to class) "Tu madre es gordo y homosexuál". Very well done, the note is even in Spanish! You even put an accent in homosexual! Now, the only thing wrong with it is it should be gorda, not gordo since it is tu madre, which is feminine. Muy bien!
// Sra. Pou hands note back to Nolan, Brendan sighs in relief.

Tags: pou spanish