Top Quotes
-
#1084 + ()/1600 - [ Report ]
// From the late 90s, but classic nevertheless...
Mr. McFaden: *walking through a chattering class, very quietly* Sex.
Class: *keeps talking, does not notice*
Mr. McFaden: *still very quietly* Extra credit.
Class: *perks up* Did you say extra credit? What?
Mr. McFaden: From a biological standpoint, that's just WRONG. -
#2777 + ()/342 - [ Report ]
// Talking about Angelina Jolie being Grendel's mom in the new Beowulf movie
Connor: Well I mean, it's gotta be harder for Beowulf now. I mean you look at a big ugly monster and your first thought is "stab it!" You look at a soaking wet Angelina Jolie and your first thought is--
Siggi: Still "Stab i-"
Mr. Miller: STOP THERE. -
#2856 + ()/324 - [ Report ]
// There had been midnight vandalism in the neighborhood. The police were interviewing a TJ kid's mom.
Police: Do you have any children?
Mom: Yes, I have two.
Police: And what ages are they?
Mom: Sixteen, and -
Police: *suddenly interested* And what school does he go to?
Mom: Thomas Jefferson.
Police: Oh, never mind. -
#1446 + ()/361 - [ Report ]
// Discussing electrostatic charges in Physics; Cliff put his hand near a ping-pong ball which was charged and hanging from a ceiling, and when he put his hand near it, the ball swung towards him.
Mr. Bagden: Look at that, it's moving towards you. Can you tell me why?
Cliff: Because it's attracted to me?
Mr. Bagden: And why is that?
Cliff: ...because I'm beautiful? -
#1699 + ()/291 - [ Report ]
Mr. Forbes: You know why all your teachers are leaving? Because they're old! You know why they're old? Because this school hires people with experience.
Tom: What about Mr. Bagden?
Mr. Forbes: Mr. Bagden is special. He's secretly an elf. He was born two thousand years ago and has been growing younger ever since. -
#1069 + ()/270 - [ Report ]
// In history, during a Constitutional Convention role-play...
Ben (James Madison): I'll defer to Dr. Franklin, as my wife loves his stoves.
Arian (Benjamin Franklin): Oh, that's not all she loves!
Mrs. Vallone (George Washington): Of course, he's referring to his lightning rod.